Meditation exercise on "separate me"

[AshvinP]

Federica,

I agree, unwinding the personality rooted in the lower ego is the key task - the sacrificial death which is needed - and also what I mean by 'morally perfecting the character'. The million little things are exactly the way to do that, along with strenuous meditative effort which seeks higher guiding impulses from the spirit worlds. Remember, the little things are only 'little' from the aliased physical perspective - when they are rhythmically placed as seed-offerings to the spirit worlds during meditation, sleep, between incarnations, they are then becoming something much more than we can imagine. They are elaborated by all the higher hierarchies working on our behalf, before being incarnated again within our soul-life.

Another thing is that the efforts to unwind the personality should, correspondingly, be understood as something we are engaging as a human collective for Cosmic aims. You mentioned before that you feel the 'we' and 'our' is too impersonal in these discussions, but that is exactly the point - it is not 'my' problems, 'my' issues, etc., but the shared archetypal tendencies which have flowed down through many incarnations since the Fall, prior to which we were all in fact a unified soul-spiritual organism. That is why it perfectly proper for us to feel, for ex., that we have crucified Christ and it is part of our karma. I was planning on sharing the following passage somewhere, so may as well do it here. I encourage anyone interesting in pursuing it further to order the book, which is probably worth it for this chapter alone.

But I also want to point out, I think whatever you are doing in your own personal practice is perfectly fine and it is clearly working, even if the results aren't clear yet or we feel to have bumped up against various barriers. I often feel the same way in my own practice. These comments are not about pointing to any given person and saying they should be doing more of this or more of that - it is simply about providing the constant stream of communal support that we will all surely need as we work further into the dark depths of our existence.

If our souls are filled with these questions as we approach the Lord’s Prayer, we will be deeply struck by something in the text of these seven petitions; they never mention the individual human “I.” There is no talk of my Father, my trespasses, and so on, a mode of expression that would be a basic condition of mystic absorption and religious fervor in prayer. The petitions always use “we,” “our Father,” “our trespasses,” and so on. This points to the first, preliminary way we must approach the Lord’s Prayer. It shows us that the Lord’s Prayer is not at all intended for personal use; consciousness concerned with personal, individual matters cannot use the Lord’s Prayer. The Lord’s Prayer is not intended for the fulfillment of individual wishes, for the rapturous absorption of lonely mystics, or for personal development. The mere fact that it is addressed to God the Father shows that it is not intended for these purposes. The Father God has to do with the hierarchy of humanity, not its groups and individuals. Separate beings have conscious relationship with the Father only insofar as they represent their hierarchy in its capacity as a community in cosmic destiny. And no one is qualified to represent the fourth hierarchy without having made the concerns of its destiny one’s own. When reciting, in the name of humanity, the seven petitions related to the seven needs of human destiny, one’s consciousness must be occupied with the questions that concern human destiny. Then one’s voice becomes the voice of humanity; the unconscious voices of all humankind form a chorus that joins the voice consciously expressing the seven needs of humanity. The hierarchical choirs alone penetrate as high as to the Father God; the sounds of single voices die away on closer thresholds. This is why poets imagine choirs of angelic hosts (though we need not determine here whether those spiritual hierarchies sing “Gloria” and “Hosanna” to the Father God). The fourth hierarchy is no exception; if words are to ascend to God the Father, they must rise morally and spiritually in chorus. What the chorus of humanity has to say to God the Father is contained in the seven petitions of the Lord’s Prayer, as spoken by Jesus Christ as the representative of humanity. The Lord’s Prayer is the spiritual and moral expression of the chorus of the fourth hierarchy; it contains every cry humankind sends up—even to the threshold of the Father sphere—in all the toil of labor, all the pain of sickness, all the distress and fear of death, and also in every endeavor after goodness, truth, and beauty. This is why the Lord’s Prayer offers the best training in selflessness and the surest and most comprehensive source from which the recognition of the true need of humanity can be drawn.
...
Now, the very idea of balance is connected to right and left—the horizontal. And this idea is completely appropriate when applied to the karmic relationship between earlier earthly lives and the current one, because it involves an ongoing act of balancing. This idea alone, however, is not enough for understanding the Lord’s Prayer, which does not deal with the fulfillment of karma from the past, but with determining future karma now. The seven petitions of the Lord’s Prayer represent an active determination of karma, not merely petition for karma to occur; there is no need to be anxious about that. Because the Lord’s Prayer deals with the predetermination of karma in the present, the balance that forms the basis of the Lord’s Prayer and gives the petitions karmic justification must be imagined not as horizontal, but as vertical. We must picture one end of the scale in heaven and the other on Earth. The higher scale is in the realm of the Father’s mercy; the lower in the sphere of human initiative. Between the two and determining the balance is the Son, through whom, alone, human beings can approach the Father. The fact that this karmic balance weighs vertically rather than horizontally is a consequence of the Son becoming the lord of karma. The rule of Christian karma is: “Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you” (Matthew 7:7). This differs from the law of the elders, or karma of the old covenant, in that following the sacrifice of Jesus Christ, the weighing was no longer just horizontal, but also vertical. In other words, along with the law whose principle is “an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth", the new law, whose principle is preeminently expressed in the Lord’s Prayer, becomes increasingly important. In the following meditations, we will discuss the moral and spiritual meaning of the vertical position of the karmic balance, as well as the nature of the “new law,” whose lord is Christ. The task here is to clarify, through the seven petitions of the Lord’s Prayer, the nature of the new relationship between humanity and God the Father—that is, the nature of the new covenant as Christian karma, in which the weighing is done vertically.

Tomberg, Valentin; Bruce, R.H.. Christ and Sophia: Anthroposophic Meditations on the Old Testament, New Testament, and Apocalypse (p. 231). steinerbooks. Kindle Edition.

Ashvin,

Thank you for the quote. Indeed I have a weak understanding of the Lord's Prayer. These notes are not fully clear, but useful, and I will absolutely order the book, as soon as I'm back home from some travel to come. I appreciate your comments on the small, but significant steps, and that they are an expression of the entire humanity through us. I understand that, but I need to inhabit such a collective perspective more concretely, when acting, thinking, feeling. I think the main issue is that I have not yet understood in real terms what it means to inhabit the collective perspective, while preserving an individual perspective at the same time. This is a question I asked Cleric months ago, and in the moment I felt very satisfied with the explanations. But in fact, I have to regularly go back and read them again. In the moment, I believe I understand, only to forget again what the individual perspective really consists of, and how it will be preserved going forward. So it clearly means I haven't really understood it.

Rest assured, Federica, that this happened to me very often and still does to some extent. It gets better over time. We can even get quite precise with the rhythms which govern how that which is understood by the ego (or consciousness soul) descends into the lower soul-body members so it is more naturally retained, although it will certainy vary by our individual karmic context and our efforts to penetrate the insights with feeling as well. Steiner discussed these rhythms in various places. But even still I have many days where some insight which struck me deeply the day before seems like a hazy memory the next day, and I can't really figure out why I thought it was so insightful or how it fits into a more holistic tapesty. Then it comes back to me later in some other context. I think a big part of overcoming this forgetfulness is actually becoming willing to forget - letting go of our need to recall and grasp all that we have learned and simply trusting our angel will bring it back to us when the time is right.

We should also remember that the work is not the process of grasping and retaining the insights, but of exercising our will-thinking to strenuously work through unfamiliar spiritual ideas, with reverential feeling which renounces the merely personal aspects of our striving. That is how it becomes more intimate to our first person stream of becoming over time. Like you said before, it's the method that counts. The content will fall into place eventually, but whether that's tomorrow or a year from now hardly matters. As long we are willing to confront our flaws and mistakes honestly, to learn and grow from them, it will be made sure that we do.

With all this said, I still have to push back your remark on pronouns, and the use of impersonal expression.
It's one thing to say "we have crucified Christ and this is our karma". I am fully onboard here, likewise when speaking of weaknesses or tendencies that can apply to us, even if only hypothetically. No problem with that, I think it's a healthy habit. My comment about strange impersonal turns of phrases referred to a very different use. Namely, it's when something very particular I have said is commented on, and every effort is made to find a turn of the sentence, that avoids the use of 'you', no matter how artificial the final result may sound. For example, when Cleric compared me to Eugene:

It is similar here (real meaning=with you). It is not known (=you don't know) what the future will be like but it is expected (=you expect) that the sovereignty of the individual agency should become more and more pronounced. On these grounds, anything that speaks of palettes, choices, etc. is seen (=you see it) as moving in the opposite direction, as fragmenting the individual source of freedom.

This style should supposedly help me not take things too personally, which is my well known tendency
This is what I was criticizing, not when we say "we" to intend "us humans", as an expression of solidarity and humility.

I personally find it an odd thing to criticize. Even if I got that sense from the use of "it" instead of "you", which I don't (but I understand what you are saying), I don't see what good comes from the criticism. I think everyone knows what overall meaning is intended.

Moreover, those are exactly the archetypal tendencies we all share in our current stage of the personalized consciousness soul - reductionism, dualism, polarization, one-sidedness, prejudicial expectations with respect to spiritual reality, etc. There is no doubt that at least one other person reading the comment besides you is thinking through it in the same way.

These comments are not about pointing to any given person and saying they should be doing more of this or more of that

I am sorry I'll have to sound controversial here again. Although I definitely recognize the spirit of your statement, and that you definitely live up to it, I still believe it's impossible to equate that spirit to an absence of personalized comments. I think personalized comments are inevitable. I remember for example a very specific series of comments you addressed to Dana, asking what concrete actions she/he was taking to progress spiritually. I think they were legitimate questions at that moment. They were also certainly personal ones. Put it on the back of my lack of understanding if you want, but I think a certain level of personalization is inherent to the choice of forum format.

Perhaps that is helpful in a very specific context, where someone keeps telling you they 'agree' with or understand your position and line of reasoning, but you know they don't, and the only conceivable way to show it to them is to point towards the personal sphere of activity. Or if the question is about spiritual practice and the person specifically asks for feedback on what they are doing. We don't need any bright line rules which exclude all personal comments, I agree. But the emphasis should be that our soul-life and thinking consciousness is not, in fact, only personal to us, because our default conditioning is always suggesting that it is.

[Federica]

Rest assured, Federica, that this happened to me very often and still does to some extent. It gets better over time. We can even get quite precise with the rhythms which govern how that which is understood by the ego (or consciousness soul) descends into the lower soul-body members so it is more naturally retained, although it will certainy vary by our individual karmic context and our efforts to penetrate the insights with feeling as well. Steiner discussed these rhythms in various places. But even still I have many days where some insight which struck me deeply the day before seems like a hazy memory the next day, and I can't really figure out why I thought it was so insightful or how it fits into a more holistic tapesty. Then it comes back to me later in some other context. I think a big part of overcoming this forgetfulness is actually becoming willing to forget - letting go of our need to recall and grasp all that we have learned and simply trusting our angel will bring it back to us when the time is right.

We should also remember that the work is not the process of grasping and retaining the insights, but of exercising our will-thinking to strenuously work through unfamiliar spiritual ideas, with reverential feeling which renounces the merely personal aspects of our striving. That is how it becomes more intimate to our first person stream of becoming over time. Like you said before, it's the method that counts. The content will fall into place eventually, but whether that's tomorrow or a year from now hardly matters. As long we are willing to confront our flaws and mistakes honestly, to learn and grow from them, it will be made sure that we do.

Yes, the method comes first, and the content is secondary.
In this case the difficulty is that this particular content - grasping the persistence of the personal perspective - is necessary to alleviate the fear of not recognizing myself, which is one major hindrance to full engagement with the practice. The other thing that I hope can move the needle is to fill up the contextual space with appropriate reading and conversations, to build the previously mentioned faith and confidence.

I personally find it an odd thing to criticize. Even if I got that sense from the use of "it" instead of "you", which I don't (but I understand what you are saying), I don't see what good comes from the criticism. I think everyone knows what overall meaning is intended.

Moreover, those are exactly the archetypal tendencies we all share in our current stage of the personalized consciousness soul - reductionism, dualism, polarization, one-sidedness, prejudicial expectations with respect to spiritual reality, etc. There is no doubt that at least one other person reading the comment besides you is thinking through it in the same way.

Well, if you somewhat agree with the last paragraph in the post above, this is just an example of that. I only mentioned it in response to your note, to distinguish two types of impersonal writing and certainly don't intend to insist on that. As said, there is inevitably attachment to personality mixed up in my comments. I am definitely still 'handwriting', and recognizing myself in the doodles.

[AshvinP]

Rest assured, Federica, that this happened to me very often and still does to some extent. It gets better over time. We can even get quite precise with the rhythms which govern how that which is understood by the ego (or consciousness soul) descends into the lower soul-body members so it is more naturally retained, although it will certainy vary by our individual karmic context and our efforts to penetrate the insights with feeling as well. Steiner discussed these rhythms in various places. But even still I have many days where some insight which struck me deeply the day before seems like a hazy memory the next day, and I can't really figure out why I thought it was so insightful or how it fits into a more holistic tapesty. Then it comes back to me later in some other context. I think a big part of overcoming this forgetfulness is actually becoming willing to forget - letting go of our need to recall and grasp all that we have learned and simply trusting our angel will bring it back to us when the time is right.

We should also remember that the work is not the process of grasping and retaining the insights, but of exercising our will-thinking to strenuously work through unfamiliar spiritual ideas, with reverential feeling which renounces the merely personal aspects of our striving. That is how it becomes more intimate to our first person stream of becoming over time. Like you said before, it's the method that counts. The content will fall into place eventually, but whether that's tomorrow or a year from now hardly matters. As long we are willing to confront our flaws and mistakes honestly, to learn and grow from them, it will be made sure that we do.

Yes, the method comes first, and the content is secondary.
In this case the difficulty is that this particular content - grasping the persistence of the personal perspective - is necessary to alleviate the fear of not recognizing myself, which is one major hindrance to full engagement with the practice. The other thing that I hope can move the needle is to fill up the contextual space with appropriate reading and conversations, to build the previously mentioned faith and confidence.

It sounds like you are doing a fair amount of reading now, such as von Halle. One cannot go wrong with spiritual scientific authors who focus their efforts on investigating the Christ mystery. Tomberg is the same in that regard.

Can you elaborate another example of this fear of not recognizing yourself and how it has acted as a hindrance to your engagement with spiritual practice? For ex, does it cause you to completely resist doing meditation? I know you mentioned resistance to the idea of changing handwriting. At first approach, I would say the fact that you have recognized this resistance as tied to your attachment to the current personality is the biggest step. Now it may be just a matter of delving into some simple exercises like that and seeing for yourself how the fear turns out to be unjustified.

[Federica]

It sounds like you are doing a fair amount of reading now, such as von Halle. One cannot go wrong with spiritual scientific authors who focus their efforts on investigating the Christ mystery. Tomberg is the same in that regard.

Can you elaborate another example of this fear of not recognizing yourself and how it has acted as a hindrance to your engagement with spiritual practice? For ex, does it cause you to completely resist doing meditation? I know you mentioned resistance to the idea of changing handwriting. At first approach, I would say the fact that you have recognized this resistance as tied to your attachment to the current personality is the biggest step. Now it may be just a matter of delving into some simple exercises like that and seeing for yourself how the fear turns out to be unjustified.

Yes I am reading. Not a lot, because I'm slow, but I'm reading purposefully - Von Halle, Steiner, What Barfield thought, and Powell's Hermetic Astrology. I started this last one with the main idea of finding a common ground to speak more about spiritual science with a close person. That purpose failed, but I am glad you recommended the book! I'm appreciating its esoteric view for my own sake, and I look forward to reading through the abundance of pages this summer. I only proceed very slowly, because i can't move past any astronomical concepts without understanding them, like the difference between sun motion in declination and motion in latitude, things like that
Regarding meditation, you're right, I don't meditate. Instead, I have been trying to move forward very slowly, with all the load on, so to speak, in the direction of improving and attuning the ordinary self. I don't think there's any merit in recognizing a resistance to change handwriting as hindrance coming from attachment to ordinary self. It is more than obvious. As for another example of fear of not recognizing myself in the process of transforming my organism, I can name the physical inconveniences. Well, these are not 'cured' by avoiding meditation, and the will acting in the body is a thick mystery, but they have reinforced a preference for going very slowly. I mentioned before a few instances of short sickness, but now I have started to regularly feel nauseated while eating. Not all the time, but it happens regularly. I used to like savory food more than sweet, but now salt in particular makes me feel sick, and so I'm eating more sugary things, which is in turn not good for my sport instructor classes, where I have to execute everything while instructing. As far as I know, I never had any allergies to food, but lately I've had a strong reaction to an apple, after eating an identical apple the day before, with no reaction whatsoever. Things of this sort are happening, that contribute to the feeling of losing control. In this context, the letting go that has to be cultivated in meditation has felt like an premature jump in the dark. Not that I have been rejecting it, but I've thought I would do well postponing it, first becoming more familiar with what you have recently called living thinking. But I have to say, the Astral Arc thread you have now opened is shifting my perspective.

[AshvinP]

It sounds like you are doing a fair amount of reading now, such as von Halle. One cannot go wrong with spiritual scientific authors who focus their efforts on investigating the Christ mystery. Tomberg is the same in that regard.

Can you elaborate another example of this fear of not recognizing yourself and how it has acted as a hindrance to your engagement with spiritual practice? For ex, does it cause you to completely resist doing meditation? I know you mentioned resistance to the idea of changing handwriting. At first approach, I would say the fact that you have recognized this resistance as tied to your attachment to the current personality is the biggest step. Now it may be just a matter of delving into some simple exercises like that and seeing for yourself how the fear turns out to be unjustified.

Yes I am reading. Not a lot, because I'm slow, and I have to work a bit between readings, but I'm reading purposefully - Von Halle, Steiner, What Barfield thought, and Powell's Hermetic Astrology. I started this last one with the main idea of finding a common ground to speak more about spiritual science with a close person. That purpose failed, but I am glad you recommended the book! I'm appreciating its esoteric view for my own sake, and I look forward to reading through the abundance of pages this summer. I only proceed very slowly, because i can't move past any astronomical concepts without understanding them, like the difference between sun motion in declination and motion in latitude, things like that
Regarding meditation, you're right, I don't meditate. Instead, I have been trying to move forward very slowly, with all the load on, so to speak, in the direction of improving and attuning the ordinary self. I don't think there's any merit in recognizing a resistance to change handwriting as hindrance coming from attachment to ordinary self. It is more than obvious. As for another example of fear of not recognizing myself in the process of tranforming my organism, I can name the physical inconveniences. Well, these are not 'cured' by avoiding meditation, and the will acting in the body is a thick mystery, but they have reinforced a preference for going very slowly. I mentioned before a few instances of short sickness, but now I have started to regularly feel nauseated while eating. Not all the time, but it happens regularly. I used to like savory food more than sweet, but now salt in particular makes me feel sick, and so I'm eating more sugary things, which is in turn not good for my sport instructor classes, where I have to execute everything while instructing. As far as I know, I never had any allergies to food, but lately I've had a strong reaction to an apple, after eating an identical apple the day before, with no reaction whatsoever. Things of this sort are happening, that contribute to the feeling of losing control. In this context, the letting go that has to be cultivated in meditation has felt like an premature jump in the dark. Not that I was rejecting it, but I've thought I would do well postponing it, first becoming more familiar with what you have recently called living thinking. But I have to say, the Astral Arc thread you have now opened is shifting my perspective.

Federica,

That's all very interesting. As you said, the physical symptoms are not cured by avoiding meditation, so it could very well be that they are prompting you to restart meditation. One can do meditation with very humble aims of strengthening the will and making the thinking more fluid, while also cultivating a devotional mood. Meditation is not only a path to higher spiritual insights, but there can also be great healing power since much of the destruction wreaked upon our organism is due to our coarse feelings and racing intellectual thoughts. It is precisely the process by which we attune to the higher self.

At the same time, though, we can (and should) become more conscious of all the ways in which our psycho-physical organism has been lessened by our past karmic activity and experience it as our cross to bear. There will be an upheaval and disharmony of sorts in the initials stages as we differentiate from the old diseased rhythms of life and seek for a new, higher stage of equilibrium. What you write above about changes in diet reminds me a lot of what I have experienced and continue to experience as well. As usual, Tomberg speaks well to this evolving process:

The consequences of the fall of humanity are not apparent only in the fact that human consciousness has lost any real experience of the spiritual world; this fact is obvious, especially when people today pursue a spiritual path. Knowledge of these consequences in the spiritual history of humankind may be painful, but direct experience of them on the path to spirit is one of the most severe trials of the soul’s endurance and courage. Arising in the realm of the soul’s experience is the hard fact of the soul and physical organism with the many consequences of having become organic and alienated from the spirit. The soul thus experiences not only the moral condition of human activity (as discussed), but also the coarseness of the human receptive faculty in relation to the spiritual world. The soul approaches the spiritual world not in a mood of confidence in the evolution of consciousness and an open road to infinite developmental potential, but as one who is sick and needs healing and reaches out to the health-giving springs of the spiritual world. Whether such individuals are sound in a medical sense, they experience the essence of human disease, inwardly and apart from any physical presence. As soon as a yearning for the spirit is awakened within, such individuals place demands on their inner forces and experience the essence of paralysis, blindness, disturbed balance, and so on. It is this yearning for spirit that reveals one sickness after another to human awareness.

And on the same path, people encounter the reality of the Christ impulse when spiritual miracles of healing take place. Initiation is not merely a process of knowing and of transforming human consciousness, but also a process of healing that leads to far-reaching changes in the human organism, affected as it has been by the consequences of the fall. These effects of inwardly experienced initiation are basically the same as those brought about by Jesus Christ in an outwardly visible way and handed down to us in the evangelists’ records. The seven miracles recorded in John’s Gospel represent the healing of the seven principal infirmities of human nature in both individuals and groups.2 The Mystery of Golgotha, however, transferred the fruits of the healings to humanity as a whole.

Tomberg, Valentin; Bruce, R.H.. Christ and Sophia: Anthroposophic Meditations on the Old Testament, New Testament, and Apocalypse (pp. 244-245). steinerbooks. Kindle Edition.

I still think there is merit to the recognition of the connection between the fear/resistance and the attachment. Here, I don't mean establishing the concept or theory that there is a connection, which is easy enough to do, but inwardly feeling in a lucid way that the attachment to personality is stirring up fears and hindering your progress. Whereas a mere conceptual theory is generally insufficient to activate our will in a healing direction, I think you are clearly being motivated by this inspiration to find creative solutions to the attachment and that is progress. I am glad you are finding the Astral Arc videos helpful as well.

[Federica]

Federica,

That's all very interesting. As you said, the physical symptoms are not cured by avoiding meditation, so it could very well be that they are prompting you to restart meditation. One can do meditation with very humble aims of strengthening the will and making the thinking more fluid, while also cultivating a devotional mood. Meditation is not only a path to higher spiritual insights, but there can also be great healing power since much of the destruction wreaked upon our organism is due to our coarse feelings and racing intellectual thoughts. It is precisely the process by which we attune to the higher self.

At the same time, though, we can (and should) become more conscious of all the ways in which our psycho-physical organism has been lessened by our past karmic activity and experience it as our cross to bear. There will be an upheaval and disharmony of sorts in the initials stages as we differentiate from the old diseased rhythms of life and seek for a new, higher stage of equilibrium. What you write above about changes in diet reminds me a lot of what I have experienced and continue to experience as well. As usual, Tomberg speaks well to this evolving process:

The consequences of the fall of humanity are not apparent only in the fact that human consciousness has lost any real experience of the spiritual world; this fact is obvious, especially when people today pursue a spiritual path. Knowledge of these consequences in the spiritual history of humankind may be painful, but direct experience of them on the path to spirit is one of the most severe trials of the soul’s endurance and courage. Arising in the realm of the soul’s experience is the hard fact of the soul and physical organism with the many consequences of having become organic and alienated from the spirit. The soul thus experiences not only the moral condition of human activity (as discussed), but also the coarseness of the human receptive faculty in relation to the spiritual world. The soul approaches the spiritual world not in a mood of confidence in the evolution of consciousness and an open road to infinite developmental potential, but as one who is sick and needs healing and reaches out to the health-giving springs of the spiritual world. Whether such individuals are sound in a medical sense, they experience the essence of human disease, inwardly and apart from any physical presence. As soon as a yearning for the spirit is awakened within, such individuals place demands on their inner forces and experience the essence of paralysis, blindness, disturbed balance, and so on. It is this yearning for spirit that reveals one sickness after another to human awareness.

And on the same path, people encounter the reality of the Christ impulse when spiritual miracles of healing take place. Initiation is not merely a process of knowing and of transforming human consciousness, but also a process of healing that leads to far-reaching changes in the human organism, affected as it has been by the consequences of the fall. These effects of inwardly experienced initiation are basically the same as those brought about by Jesus Christ in an outwardly visible way and handed down to us in the evangelists’ records. The seven miracles recorded in John’s Gospel represent the healing of the seven principal infirmities of human nature in both individuals and groups.2 The Mystery of Golgotha, however, transferred the fruits of the healings to humanity as a whole.

Tomberg, Valentin; Bruce, R.H.. Christ and Sophia: Anthroposophic Meditations on the Old Testament, New Testament, and Apocalypse (pp. 244-245). steinerbooks. Kindle Edition.

I still think there is merit to the recognition of the connection between the fear/resistance and the attachment. Here, I don't mean establishing the concept or theory that there is a connection, which is easy enough to do, but inwardly feeling in a lucid way that the attachment to personality is stirring up fears and hindering your progress. Whereas a mere conceptual theory is generally insufficient to activate our will in a healing direction, I think you are clearly being motivated by this inspiration to find creative solutions to the attachment and that is progress. I am glad you are finding the Astral Arc videos helpful as well.

Ashvin,

Thank you for the encouragement. I might start meditating with the sole perspective of letting the self breathe, letting fall any other positive or negative expectations.

[Federica]

Rest assured, Federica, that this happened to me very often and still does to some extent. It gets better over time. We can even get quite precise with the rhythms which govern how that which is understood by the ego (or consciousness soul) descends into the lower soul-body members so it is more naturally retained, although it will certainy vary by our individual karmic context and our efforts to penetrate the insights with feeling as well. Steiner discussed these rhythms in various places.

Ashvin,
I was wondering if you recall one of those places? I would like to understand how this forgetfulness is a rhythm.

[Cleric K]

Cleric,
I was not asking what is materially different between choosing candies at the candy shop and inventing a bridge design. Everyone sees how these are very different activities, engaging different intents and skills in very disproportionate ways.
The question was: if you agree, as I understand you do, that the kid’s freedom, while it chooses the candies, is not a function of the many kinds of candies available at the shop, why should the freedom expressed in the activity of inventing a bridge design - no matter how complex, how challenging, how stimulating for ground-breaking skill-building it may turn out to be - depend on the level of variety, complexity, and interconnectedness of a hypothetical whole volume of potential, creative sub-tasks involved in the engineering of the invention?
There are always virtually infinite ‘ways’ to engage in activity in every moment, within the framework of a certain project or intent. The volume of potential in every moment is an abstraction. So how much, or how little constrained one particular dimension of activity is, in any given moment, cannot have any significance in terms of the level of freedom that I express in every moment through my activity. The lawfulness of the flow of becoming materializes constraints, but I can’t delegate to the instant shape of that space of constraints/space of possibilities the responsibility to define my freedom, the direction of my freely chosen course of action.
How to arbitrarily single out from the flow one supposedly crucial moment, that I call ‘choice’, and say that I am free, because there are more than one way to make that choice? In every instant, there are virtually infinite ways. Nothing can be used of that instant space of constraints/possibilities, to infer the extent of my freedom. Only my gained access to, and incorporation of, truth can express freedom, because it’s the only way to start steering the flow of becoming, and start giving it direction and purpose, in alignment with moral goals.

The practical consequence of the outpouring of knowledge is that the more I am receptive to it, the more I can be the intention through which the connection between truth, higher ideals, love, reality…. and their means of realization, through activity, is operated. For example, the decision to avoid alcohol, is a free decision connected to a certain level of knowing, and to the intention to enliven it through activity, in view of realizing knowledge progressively, along the direction of truth. There lies my freedom, in my intent to be the junction between an understanding and its realization. That there is more than one way to stay away from alcohol, is indeed an abstract statement. To paraphrase Leyf, it describes a phenomenological abyss, that has no role whatsoever in what is actually happening, or not happening, with my drink intake, and how free or unfree I am, in front of this question.

As it seems to me, the very fact that there are infinite things that I can decide not to do in every moment, should by itself be enough to show that the space of infinite alternative tunnels of glyphs that I could initiate in that moment, cannot by any means be a basis for an understanding of freedom.

“This knowledge has become an intrinsic part of our being and can give new directions to our will”, and the reason why I call it freedom is because certain obstacles have to be removed, in order to make possible a certain inner alignment through which knowledge can shine, and I make myself the place, or instrument, of that alignment. Every particular occurrence of alignment that I realize, only I can realize, and is not granted. It has to be maintained, “in the continually changing inner conditions of our cosmic context”. So freedom, paradoxically, finds ever higher expressions the more it converges, the more we let it grow by its own force, as a stabilizing force, able to find consistent direction in steering the riverbed, spiraling with karma. This is why I said freedom can only be a freedom to (create alignment) and not freedom from (the infinity of alternatives in the phenomenological abyss).

Hi Federica,
There's a lot that has gone on here in the last few days, I haven't caught up with everything. I see that the discussion here has moved on. Do you still want to go into something specific?

[Federica]

Cleric,
I was not asking what is materially different between choosing candies at the candy shop and inventing a bridge design. Everyone sees how these are very different activities, engaging different intents and skills in very disproportionate ways.
The question was: if you agree, as I understand you do, that the kid’s freedom, while it chooses the candies, is not a function of the many kinds of candies available at the shop, why should the freedom expressed in the activity of inventing a bridge design - no matter how complex, how challenging, how stimulating for ground-breaking skill-building it may turn out to be - depend on the level of variety, complexity, and interconnectedness of a hypothetical whole volume of potential, creative sub-tasks involved in the engineering of the invention?
There are always virtually infinite ‘ways’ to engage in activity in every moment, within the framework of a certain project or intent. The volume of potential in every moment is an abstraction. So how much, or how little constrained one particular dimension of activity is, in any given moment, cannot have any significance in terms of the level of freedom that I express in every moment through my activity. The lawfulness of the flow of becoming materializes constraints, but I can’t delegate to the instant shape of that space of constraints/space of possibilities the responsibility to define my freedom, the direction of my freely chosen course of action.
How to arbitrarily single out from the flow one supposedly crucial moment, that I call ‘choice’, and say that I am free, because there are more than one way to make that choice? In every instant, there are virtually infinite ways. Nothing can be used of that instant space of constraints/possibilities, to infer the extent of my freedom. Only my gained access to, and incorporation of, truth can express freedom, because it’s the only way to start steering the flow of becoming, and start giving it direction and purpose, in alignment with moral goals.

The practical consequence of the outpouring of knowledge is that the more I am receptive to it, the more I can be the intention through which the connection between truth, higher ideals, love, reality…. and their means of realization, through activity, is operated. For example, the decision to avoid alcohol, is a free decision connected to a certain level of knowing, and to the intention to enliven it through activity, in view of realizing knowledge progressively, along the direction of truth. There lies my freedom, in my intent to be the junction between an understanding and its realization. That there is more than one way to stay away from alcohol, is indeed an abstract statement. To paraphrase Leyf, it describes a phenomenological abyss, that has no role whatsoever in what is actually happening, or not happening, with my drink intake, and how free or unfree I am, in front of this question.

As it seems to me, the very fact that there are infinite things that I can decide not to do in every moment, should by itself be enough to show that the space of infinite alternative tunnels of glyphs that I could initiate in that moment, cannot by any means be a basis for an understanding of freedom.

“This knowledge has become an intrinsic part of our being and can give new directions to our will”, and the reason why I call it freedom is because certain obstacles have to be removed, in order to make possible a certain inner alignment through which knowledge can shine, and I make myself the place, or instrument, of that alignment. Every particular occurrence of alignment that I realize, only I can realize, and is not granted. It has to be maintained, “in the continually changing inner conditions of our cosmic context”. So freedom, paradoxically, finds ever higher expressions the more it converges, the more we let it grow by its own force, as a stabilizing force, able to find consistent direction in steering the riverbed, spiraling with karma. This is why I said freedom can only be a freedom to (create alignment) and not freedom from (the infinity of alternatives in the phenomenological abyss).

Hi Federica,
There's a lot that has gone on here in the last few days, I haven't caught up with everything. I see that the discussion here has moved on. Do you still want to go into something specific?

Hi Cleric,
No - I'm sorry for having insisted so much. As Ashvin made clear, I was stumbling upon my own inadequacies.

[AshvinP]

Rest assured, Federica, that this happened to me very often and still does to some extent. It gets better over time. We can even get quite precise with the rhythms which govern how that which is understood by the ego (or consciousness soul) descends into the lower soul-body members so it is more naturally retained, although it will certainy vary by our individual karmic context and our efforts to penetrate the insights with feeling as well. Steiner discussed these rhythms in various places.

Ashvin,
I was wondering if you recall one of those places? I would like to understand how this forgetfulness is a rhythm.

Federica,

To investigate how the rhythms of our fourfold organization relate to memory/forgetfulness, you will probably need to consult a few different places. I think it's first important to get a sense of the functions of the ego-astral-etheric members (which also shape our physical constitution). Occult Science can help with that - https://rsarchive.org/Books/GA013/Engli ... 3_c02.html - but it will only become more natural as we view it from many different angles, always relating the functions to our first-person stream of becoming. It's interesting how these living spiritual ideas work - it is the polar opposite of the physical sensory spectrum. With the latter, everything is ready-made and it's only a question of finding the right sources for the facts we need so we can model them 'from the side'. With a question like this about the inner rhythms and memory, it is more about living into the rhythms themselves.

One thing I have found is that, the more we can imbue our search for knowledge with moral ideals, the more they will stick with us. I really struggled to get a living sense for the fourfold organization and even now it confuses me sometimes. One thing I do is try and pause after gaining some insights and offer them back to the spirit worlds, with a request that they be elaborated into moral feelings and forces so that I can better fulfill my tasks within the Cosmic organism. I used to do it only at sleep but now I am getting in the habit of doing it every time I finish reading something. In that way, I am employing the rhythms, even if in a very rudimentary way, in order to become more and more intimate with them. Ultimately that conscious intent, along with our meditative practice, is the way in which these unfamiliar and uncharted ideas will take root within us.

Here is a lecture on the rhythms of the fourfold members. The soul force of memory is associated with experiences impressed from the ego-astral into the etheric body. We then perform thinking-gestures to resurrect the experiences anew from within the body. I'm not really sure how these interpenetrating rhythms directly give insight into the question of forgetting or retaining insights into spiritual reality, but there is definitely a connection. It still remains pretty hazy for me, though. There is another lecture where he more directly addresses how experiences become firmly rooted in memory, but I am having trouble finding it right now. I will keep looking. Perhaps Cleric has something to add now that he has returned!

https://rsarchive.org/Lectures/GA107/En ... 21p01.html

This is an area where we can apply a significant amount of torque through various creative methods, since the main factor is the strength of our I-consciousness which gives the capacity for memory. For ex. Steiner gives the memory exercise where we vividly experience the surroundings when we place an object in the house or car, with an intent to remember, which I always forget to do