My biggest existential crisis
Posted: Fri Jul 29, 2022 1:12 am
It is 2:48 am in Germany and I am writing this text right now. Lets describe my situation
I have a diagnosed severe depression and severe ocd which forces me to think about philosophy and other things the entire time. Sometimes I can not sleep for 2 or 3 days, I will end up in a mental hospital soon and will get help but I do not think there is help.
Why should I live? I am forced to live, I love my family and it would be a shock if they lost me but tell me why should I live. Some day nothing will be anymore. I live, get a job, get old and die. All these philosophical questions make me crazy. I came to the conclusion that there is simply no point in anything. I want to know what happens after death. Will I even know it? No one knows or does someone know it...I think people that died know it and laugh at us.The best thing to do would be to practically investigate into survival by suicide. Ontology, Metaphysics and science made me realise that I am just a meaningless something like everything else.
My favorite thought experiment is the following.
Imagine everything would be wiped out in a famtosecond. Who would care? No one. If there is something after death we would realise it, if not, then we would not realise it, for the sake of this thoughtexperiment. I really think there is something after death but I want to experience it and laugh at my former self how it tried to find answers and find a meaning in life. Just because I am sure there is an afterlife (based on careful research made by many scientist) this does not mean that there is a meaning in life.
Any thoughts on this?
Is it just my psychical disorder or did I find out that life has no meaning and we know very little about anything? Please do not commit suicide, I am just in a crisis you should not be in one too.
I have a diagnosed severe depression and severe ocd which forces me to think about philosophy and other things the entire time. Sometimes I can not sleep for 2 or 3 days, I will end up in a mental hospital soon and will get help but I do not think there is help.
Why should I live? I am forced to live, I love my family and it would be a shock if they lost me but tell me why should I live. Some day nothing will be anymore. I live, get a job, get old and die. All these philosophical questions make me crazy. I came to the conclusion that there is simply no point in anything. I want to know what happens after death. Will I even know it? No one knows or does someone know it...I think people that died know it and laugh at us.The best thing to do would be to practically investigate into survival by suicide. Ontology, Metaphysics and science made me realise that I am just a meaningless something like everything else.
My favorite thought experiment is the following.
Imagine everything would be wiped out in a famtosecond. Who would care? No one. If there is something after death we would realise it, if not, then we would not realise it, for the sake of this thoughtexperiment. I really think there is something after death but I want to experience it and laugh at my former self how it tried to find answers and find a meaning in life. Just because I am sure there is an afterlife (based on careful research made by many scientist) this does not mean that there is a meaning in life.
Any thoughts on this?
Is it just my psychical disorder or did I find out that life has no meaning and we know very little about anything? Please do not commit suicide, I am just in a crisis you should not be in one too.