Life circumstances

[Güney27]

Hello everyone,
I have a topic that is very close to my heart and I would like to share it, because I'm usually a person who doesn't talk much in real life. It has nothing to do with the topics being discussed here in the forum, forgive me, but I would like to write in here something that is bothering me. Last night a person who was very close to me died at a very young age, a year ago a person died who is the closest person I have ever had. Both were very young and suddenly fell ill and died. I don't know what to do anymore. I prayed so much, with all my heart, but it didn't change anything. It's like nobody hears my prayers. Somehow I feel like I'm losing my faith. I wonder where all the love and good in the universe goes.
A death is difficult not only for the deceased, but for all people who loved them with all their souls.
I keep trying to grab myself and meditate, going after all the practices, but can only do it for a short time. This forum has helped me a lot, but I've developed a fear of never creating or seeing, from my own perspective, what is being talked about here on a daily basis. Strangely, I've become extremely paranoid and have many thoughts that plague me that I can't control. I also know that it's my own fault. I've smoked green and taken psychedelic substances and really harmed myself a lot. In the hope that I would get better, I ended up only harming myself. I stopped using it altogether a few months ago, at the moment I smoke a lot of tobacco. In addition, I will soon lose my job and gave notice to my apartment because I was afraid that I would no longer be able to pay for it. Somehow everything gets out of hand and I don't really have my life under control anymore. Somehow my sense of time has also changed. I feel old at the age of 19, and the last 2 years seem like 10 years. And no matter how much I prayed, nothing changed. I realize how unfree I am because I am completely dependent on my life circumstances. I really don't want to cry here, this is still a philosophy forum, but I think it's good to formulate something that's on my mind with a heavy heart.
Thank you for your understanding.

[Cleric K]

Hello everyone,
I have a topic that is very close to my heart and I would like to share it, because I'm usually a person who doesn't talk much in real life. It has nothing to do with the topics being discussed here in the forum, forgive me, but I would like to write in here something that is bothering me. Last night a person who was very close to me died at a very young age, a year ago a person died who is the closest person I have ever had. Both were very young and suddenly fell ill and died. I don't know what to do anymore. I prayed so much, with all my heart, but it didn't change anything. It's like nobody hears my prayers. Somehow I feel like I'm losing my faith. I wonder where all the love and good in the universe goes.
A death is difficult not only for the deceased, but for all people who loved them with all their souls.
I keep trying to grab myself and meditate, going after all the practices, but can only do it for a short time. This forum has helped me a lot, but I've developed a fear of never creating or seeing, from my own perspective, what is being talked about here on a daily basis. Strangely, I've become extremely paranoid and have many thoughts that plague me that I can't control. I also know that it's my own fault. I've smoked green and taken psychedelic substances and really harmed myself a lot. In the hope that I would get better, I ended up only harming myself. I stopped using it altogether a few months ago, at the moment I smoke a lot of tobacco. In addition, I will soon lose my job and gave notice to my apartment because I was afraid that I would no longer be able to pay for it. Somehow everything gets out of hand and I don't really have my life under control anymore. Somehow my sense of time has also changed. I feel old at the age of 19, and the last 2 years seem like 10 years. And no matter how much I prayed, nothing changed. I realize how unfree I am because I am completely dependent on my life circumstances. I really don't want to cry here, this is still a philosophy forum, but I think it's good to formulate something that's on my mind with a heavy heart.
Thank you for your understanding.

Hi Güney,

Sorry to hear about your loss and all the difficulties you’re presently facing. It won’t be realistic to expect that anything I or anyone else says here will turn your soul state around. There are things which are way too inertial in our life. They move like freight trains with enormous momentum, with direction that has been set long ago and now we can change very little. It’s like throwing pebbles at the train in hope to change its direction.

Does this mean that your prayers are worthless? Not in the least! In fact, your friends need your prayers now even more. Not to bring them back but to send them light and ask the beings to guide them.

Souls that cross the threshold of death at an early age have special significance in the spiritual economy. They carry lots of energy that may have been used throughout their Earthly life and now they channel that energy in completely different ways. These souls usually remain much more closely connected with Earthly affairs for the time of the lifespan they could otherwise have. As a matter of fact, such souls, from their disincarnate perspective, can have beneficial influence for those who work towards bridging the worlds. Such cooperation between the departed and those in the sensory world will become more and more important. If your connection with these souls was indeed deep, then you can be certain that every night they impress something in your soul body, you work together. Then these forces find their way in your waking state, even if only quite secretly at this time. This of course depends also on the degree of their own development. They may be struggling with other things right now and that’s why your prayers are even more important.

Seen from yet another angle, such life events can act as a great boost for your Earthly path. Being stripped away from everything that has given you external support can either throw you in desperation or it can help you strengthen your link with the Divine even further. In fact, you may come out of devastating experiences like these with superhuman powers. I assure you that not too far from now, when the storm passes (and you know that it will pass!) you’ll have extracted a great treasure of all this - the strength and faith that you can overcome any obstacle. Without such experiences we always live in fear about tomorrow. We doubt if we’re gonna make it. The great gift of such experiences is that you’ll be able to say “When I’m united with God who works through me, I can overcome any obstacle, I can pass through any storm. Because I'm not alone but I work together with the whole Heavenly Host for a higher goal.” This doesn’t mean that we won’t feel the pain but the understanding that it all can fit constructively in the big picture gives us extraordinary strength to endure.

[Federica]

Hello everyone,
I have a topic that is very close to my heart and I would like to share it, because I'm usually a person who doesn't talk much in real life. It has nothing to do with the topics being discussed here in the forum, forgive me, but I would like to write in here something that is bothering me. Last night a person who was very close to me died at a very young age, a year ago a person died who is the closest person I have ever had. Both were very young and suddenly fell ill and died. I don't know what to do anymore. I prayed so much, with all my heart, but it didn't change anything. It's like nobody hears my prayers. Somehow I feel like I'm losing my faith. I wonder where all the love and good in the universe goes.
A death is difficult not only for the deceased, but for all people who loved them with all their souls.
I keep trying to grab myself and meditate, going after all the practices, but can only do it for a short time. This forum has helped me a lot, but I've developed a fear of never creating or seeing, from my own perspective, what is being talked about here on a daily basis. Strangely, I've become extremely paranoid and have many thoughts that plague me that I can't control. I also know that it's my own fault. I've smoked green and taken psychedelic substances and really harmed myself a lot. In the hope that I would get better, I ended up only harming myself. I stopped using it altogether a few months ago, at the moment I smoke a lot of tobacco. In addition, I will soon lose my job and gave notice to my apartment because I was afraid that I would no longer be able to pay for it. Somehow everything gets out of hand and I don't really have my life under control anymore. Somehow my sense of time has also changed. I feel old at the age of 19, and the last 2 years seem like 10 years. And no matter how much I prayed, nothing changed. I realize how unfree I am because I am completely dependent on my life circumstances. I really don't want to cry here, this is still a philosophy forum, but I think it's good to formulate something that's on my mind with a heavy heart.
Thank you for your understanding.

Hello Güney,
I'm glad you wrote this post, I'm sure this act is helping you! It was a good idea, although you might be unsure about that now. For my part, I would like to take some time to reflect on what you have written, but I wanted to let you know that you are listened to. You can be sure about that.

[AshvinP]

Hello everyone,
I have a topic that is very close to my heart and I would like to share it, because I'm usually a person who doesn't talk much in real life. It has nothing to do with the topics being discussed here in the forum, forgive me, but I would like to write in here something that is bothering me. Last night a person who was very close to me died at a very young age, a year ago a person died who is the closest person I have ever had. Both were very young and suddenly fell ill and died. I don't know what to do anymore. I prayed so much, with all my heart, but it didn't change anything. It's like nobody hears my prayers. Somehow I feel like I'm losing my faith. I wonder where all the love and good in the universe goes.
A death is difficult not only for the deceased, but for all people who loved them with all their souls.
I keep trying to grab myself and meditate, going after all the practices, but can only do it for a short time. This forum has helped me a lot, but I've developed a fear of never creating or seeing, from my own perspective, what is being talked about here on a daily basis. Strangely, I've become extremely paranoid and have many thoughts that plague me that I can't control. I also know that it's my own fault. I've smoked green and taken psychedelic substances and really harmed myself a lot. In the hope that I would get better, I ended up only harming myself. I stopped using it altogether a few months ago, at the moment I smoke a lot of tobacco. In addition, I will soon lose my job and gave notice to my apartment because I was afraid that I would no longer be able to pay for it. Somehow everything gets out of hand and I don't really have my life under control anymore. Somehow my sense of time has also changed. I feel old at the age of 19, and the last 2 years seem like 10 years. And no matter how much I prayed, nothing changed. I realize how unfree I am because I am completely dependent on my life circumstances. I really don't want to cry here, this is still a philosophy forum, but I think it's good to formulate something that's on my mind with a heavy heart.
Thank you for your understanding.

Hi Guney,

I am very sorry to hear about your losses. There is little to add to what Cleric already offerred. Only to say that the grieving process is perfectly natural and OK, but we can also send Light and Warmth to the departed souls through our loving thoughts and prayers, as he indicated. Rest assured their souls are still with you, and with the Earth as a whole, within the spiritual atmosphere which also permeates our lives between birth and death. They need our help in their new journey just as we need theirs in our current one.

Steiner also discusses some of these things at length in connection with the first World War, which of course broke out towards the end of his incarnation and claimed many millions of very young lives in the trenches. There is also another discussion surrounding a young boy who died from an accident while they were constructing the Goetheanum.

In terms of your financial circumstances, feel free to private message me if you want to discuss further. I am a bankruptcy attorney by profession and may be able to give some counsel or at least point you in a helpful direction to manage the situation and alleviate some stress.

It may also make sense for you to visit or revisit some parts of the Gospels at this time. The fact is, Christ incarnate suffered through all that our souls can possibly experience. His brothers and sisters, his friends, are each and every human being, so he continually experiences the tragic aspects of loss with us. And it is through his spirit within us that we can weather the inevitable storms of our soul.

"Then he got into the boat and his disciples followed him. Suddenly a furious storm came up on the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat. But Jesus was sleeping. The disciples went and woke him, saying, “Lord, save us! We’re going to drown!”

He replied, “You of little faith, why are you so afraid?” Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm."

[Stranger]

Hi Güney,

First let me say that I really feel compassion for you and feel your pain. Let me try a few suggestions that may help, in addition to what Cleric suggested about prayer.

- I'm not suggesting to disregard the deaths of your friends, but there is nothing tragic in our human deaths, our souls are immortal and only go through various incarnations, so birth and death is as natural and falling asleep and waking up. Be sure that the souls of your friends are alive and doing great on their next stage of the journey. Of course, you still miss them, that's understandable.

- I myself went through a terrible period of depression and suicidal thoughts, but eventually it brought me to the realization of my fundamental nature as Consciousness. Sometimes we need to go through severe circumstances to break through our habitual systems of mind patterns and worldviews. We are all One Timeless/Eternal Consciousness evolving and exploring itself by imagining the worlds in time and experiencing them through its individuated spiritual activities (our souls). But regardless of what happens in these souls' experiences, nothing can change the fact that we are always the same Consciousness, and nothing can damage and affect Consciousness on its fundamental level of Being and being Aware. This is not to disregard what happens in our life circumstances (they are important on their own account), but just to note that, from the Cosmic perspective, there is nothing to be afraid about. Nothing can harm or destroy Consciousness, it is timeless and indestructible, and overall it knows what it is doing and everything goes according to its Telos.

- On the practical side you still need to fix your human life and get back on track, and the first thing to do is to take care of yourself, specifically your psychological condition. Your condition may be related to some bodily causes (hormonal or neurotransmitter disbalances) and so may be referring to a physician or even psychiatrist and taking some anti-depressant or other medication would help. Also, it is of course your choice, and I do not know about your circumstances, but getting a good education or training in some trade will help you to have stable jobs and financial independence in your future life and get you back on track. And definitely JUST SAY NO TO DRUGS, they only harm and never do any good (I've been there and did that). Be sure you can always find support from your friends, including people on this forum.

- And finally, it is important to continue spiritual practice and have faith in your overall soul's progress and in the values and meanings in your life. We all learn from mistakes and hard circumstances, as they say, "what does not destroy us makes us stronger".

[AshvinP]

Eugene gave good suggestions, but just a note of caution on this:

Your condition may be related to some bodily causes (hormonal or neurotransmitter disbalances) and so may be referring to a physician or even psychiatrist and taking some anti-depressant or other medication would help.

Unfortunately it is at the point where doctors will prescribe these things like candies, mostly out of convenience. It is a 'quick fix' for otherwise deep spiritual issues. I have no medical training or extensive research in this area, but my father is a psychiatrist, and from what I have gathered, anti-depressants can really blunt the life of will, feeling, and thought. And indeed this can temporarily alleviate issues of anxiety and depression which are often bound up with racing, uncontrollable thoughts, but for anyone on a spiritual path or who intends to pursue one, this will be a great obstacle. We need to remain in firm control of our inner faculties.

Since you already managed to conquer the marijuana and psychedelic habits, I would be very cautious of adopting any other ones relating to external substances. Of course a physical examination and consultation with a physician is a good idea, but keep in mind that many psychologists and psychiatrists are quick to recommend these one size fits all medicative 'solutions' for soul and spirit issues, mostly because they are unaware that these are, in fact, soul and spirit issues. So we need to be discerning and respond to our soul difficulties in healthy ways, which often don't coincide with the most convenient, easily accessible, and immediately placating ways of modern society.

[Stranger]

Eugene gave good suggestions, but just a note of caution on this:

Your condition may be related to some bodily causes (hormonal or neurotransmitter disbalances) and so may be referring to a physician or even psychiatrist and taking some anti-depressant or other medication would help.

Unfortunately it is at the point where doctors will prescribe these things like candies, mostly out of convenience. It is a 'quick fix' for otherwise deep spiritual issues. I have no medical training or extensive research in this area, but my father is a psychiatrist, and from what I have gathered, anti-depressants can really blunt the life of will, feeling, and thought. And indeed this can temporarily alleviate issues of anxiety and depression which are often bound up with racing, uncontrollable thoughts, but for anyone on a spiritual path or who intends to pursue one, this will be a great obstacle. We need to remain in firm control of our inner faculties.

I agree, medication is only good for temporary relief of symptoms so that a person can get back on track and address the real underlying spiritual issues.

[Güney27]

Hello everyone,
I have a topic that is very close to my heart and I would like to share it, because I'm usually a person who doesn't talk much in real life. It has nothing to do with the topics being discussed here in the forum, forgive me, but I would like to write in here something that is bothering me. Last night a person who was very close to me died at a very young age, a year ago a person died who is the closest person I have ever had. Both were very young and suddenly fell ill and died. I don't know what to do anymore. I prayed so much, with all my heart, but it didn't change anything. It's like nobody hears my prayers. Somehow I feel like I'm losing my faith. I wonder where all the love and good in the universe goes.
A death is difficult not only for the deceased, but for all people who loved them with all their souls.
I keep trying to grab myself and meditate, going after all the practices, but can only do it for a short time. This forum has helped me a lot, but I've developed a fear of never creating or seeing, from my own perspective, what is being talked about here on a daily basis. Strangely, I've become extremely paranoid and have many thoughts that plague me that I can't control. I also know that it's my own fault. I've smoked green and taken psychedelic substances and really harmed myself a lot. In the hope that I would get better, I ended up only harming myself. I stopped using it altogether a few months ago, at the moment I smoke a lot of tobacco. In addition, I will soon lose my job and gave notice to my apartment because I was afraid that I would no longer be able to pay for it. Somehow everything gets out of hand and I don't really have my life under control anymore. Somehow my sense of time has also changed. I feel old at the age of 19, and the last 2 years seem like 10 years. And no matter how much I prayed, nothing changed. I realize how unfree I am because I am completely dependent on my life circumstances. I really don't want to cry here, this is still a philosophy forum, but I think it's good to formulate something that's on my mind with a heavy heart.
Thank you for your understanding.

Hi Güney,

Sorry to hear about your loss and all the difficulties you’re presently facing. It won’t be realistic to expect that anything I or anyone else says here will turn your soul state around. There are things which are way too inertial in our life. They move like freight trains with enormous momentum, with direction that has been set long ago and now we can change very little. It’s like throwing pebbles at the train in hope to change its direction.

Does this mean that your prayers are worthless? Not in the least! In fact, your friends need your prayers now even more. Not to bring them back but to send them light and ask the beings to guide them.

Souls that cross the threshold of death at an early age have special significance in the spiritual economy. They carry lots of energy that may have been used throughout their Earthly life and now they channel that energy in completely different ways. These souls usually remain much more closely connected with Earthly affairs for the time of the lifespan they could otherwise have. As a matter of fact, such souls, from their disincarnate perspective, can have beneficial influence for those who work towards bridging the worlds. Such cooperation between the departed and those in the sensory world will become more and more important. If your connection with these souls was indeed deep, then you can be certain that every night they impress something in your soul body, you work together. Then these forces find their way in your waking state, even if only quite secretly at this time. This of course depends also on the degree of their own development. They may be struggling with other things right now and that’s why your prayers are even more important.

Seen from yet another angle, such life events can act as a great boost for your Earthly path. Being stripped away from everything that has given you external support can either throw you in desperation or it can help you strengthen your link with the Divine even further. In fact, you may come out of devastating experiences like these with superhuman powers. I assure you that not too far from now, when the storm passes (and you know that it will pass!) you’ll have extracted a great treasure of all this - the strength and faith that you can overcome any obstacle. Without such experiences we always live in fear about tomorrow. We doubt if we’re gonna make it. The great gift of such experiences is that you’ll be able to say “When I’m united with God who works through me, I can overcome any obstacle, I can pass through any storm. Because I'm not alone but I work together with the whole Heavenly Host for a higher goal.” This doesn’t mean that we won’t feel the pain but the understanding that it all can fit constructively in the big picture gives us extraordinary strength to endure.

Cleric, thanks for your words.
The thing is, I just can't say for sure about the departed souls. What if he suffers extremely, what if there is none. In the end I realized that I don't even know what the essence of the things I think about on a daily basis is. In the end, these thoughts are just by-products of an activity I haven't found to this day. I understood what was being talked about but never experienced it. I have tried the meditations that have been suggested but have never fully experienced the activity, only the by-product. I'm no longer sure if I'm really thinking all my thoughts. Sometimes very unpleasant thoughts appear frequently, which seem to me to come from outside. I know these things take time, but I keep losing my thread and power the more I meditate and become more and more confused. I know it's wrong to expect anything from meditation, but let's face it, no one would do anything without getting anything. I meditate because I no longer want to be trapped by any circumstances and want to get to know the sacred in the world. What is paranoia cleric, is it just imagining things that could happen or evil beings wanting to harm me? I'm a bit confused at the moment and I apologize if the writing isn't coherent.

[Güney27]

Hello everyone,
I have a topic that is very close to my heart and I would like to share it, because I'm usually a person who doesn't talk much in real life. It has nothing to do with the topics being discussed here in the forum, forgive me, but I would like to write in here something that is bothering me. Last night a person who was very close to me died at a very young age, a year ago a person died who is the closest person I have ever had. Both were very young and suddenly fell ill and died. I don't know what to do anymore. I prayed so much, with all my heart, but it didn't change anything. It's like nobody hears my prayers. Somehow I feel like I'm losing my faith. I wonder where all the love and good in the universe goes.
A death is difficult not only for the deceased, but for all people who loved them with all their souls.
I keep trying to grab myself and meditate, going after all the practices, but can only do it for a short time. This forum has helped me a lot, but I've developed a fear of never creating or seeing, from my own perspective, what is being talked about here on a daily basis. Strangely, I've become extremely paranoid and have many thoughts that plague me that I can't control. I also know that it's my own fault. I've smoked green and taken psychedelic substances and really harmed myself a lot. In the hope that I would get better, I ended up only harming myself. I stopped using it altogether a few months ago, at the moment I smoke a lot of tobacco. In addition, I will soon lose my job and gave notice to my apartment because I was afraid that I would no longer be able to pay for it. Somehow everything gets out of hand and I don't really have my life under control anymore. Somehow my sense of time has also changed. I feel old at the age of 19, and the last 2 years seem like 10 years. And no matter how much I prayed, nothing changed. I realize how unfree I am because I am completely dependent on my life circumstances. I really don't want to cry here, this is still a philosophy forum, but I think it's good to formulate something that's on my mind with a heavy heart.
Thank you for your understanding.

Hi Guney,

I am very sorry to hear about your losses. There is little to add to what Cleric already offerred. Only to say that the grieving process is perfectly natural and OK, but we can also send Light and Warmth to the departed souls through our loving thoughts and prayers, as he indicated. Rest assured their souls are still with you, and with the Earth as a whole, within the spiritual atmosphere which also permeates our lives between birth and death. They need our help in their new journey just as we need theirs in our current one.

Steiner also discusses some of these things at length in connection with the first World War, which of course broke out towards the end of his incarnation and claimed many millions of very young lives in the trenches. There is also another discussion surrounding a young boy who died from an accident while they were constructing the Goetheanum.

In terms of your financial circumstances, feel free to private message me if you want to discuss further. I am a bankruptcy attorney by profession and may be able to give some counsel or at least point you in a helpful direction to manage the situation and alleviate some stress.

It may also make sense for you to visit or revisit some parts of the Gospels at this time. The fact is, Christ incarnate suffered through all that our souls can possibly experience. His brothers and sisters, his friends, are each and every human being, so he continually experiences the tragic aspects of loss with us. And it is through his spirit within us that we can weather the inevitable storms of our soul.

"Then he got into the boat and his disciples followed him. Suddenly a furious storm came up on the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat. But Jesus was sleeping. The disciples went and woke him, saying, “Lord, save us! We’re going to drown!”

He replied, “You of little faith, why are you so afraid?” Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm."

Thanks for your help ashvin.
I can get my finances under control again. I have some savings and I also quit my apartment because I will probably lose my job next month. But that's actually not so bad for me. My savings will last me for about 1 year and I live modestly.

I don't understand the Bible at all. From my current perspective, I read the Bible like a poem, but the esoteric content remains completely hidden from me. I don't find Rudolf Steiner's texts enriching either. In general, I find that Rudolf Steiner writes very unsystematically and inaccessibly. I think scaligero and a few others are better. Is there a prayer I can say for the dead? I know the Lord's Prayer by heart and pray it several times a day, but as I said, after months, it hasn't had any consciously noticeable effect on me. Why is Jesus always associated with light? I think there shouldn't be any light in the spiritual world. How should one perceive this without sense organs and nervous system? Does this mean an esoteric aspect of light?
Eugene has often spoken about NDE's in whichever light plays a role

[Güney27]

Hello everyone,
I have a topic that is very close to my heart and I would like to share it, because I'm usually a person who doesn't talk much in real life. It has nothing to do with the topics being discussed here in the forum, forgive me, but I would like to write in here something that is bothering me. Last night a person who was very close to me died at a very young age, a year ago a person died who is the closest person I have ever had. Both were very young and suddenly fell ill and died. I don't know what to do anymore. I prayed so much, with all my heart, but it didn't change anything. It's like nobody hears my prayers. Somehow I feel like I'm losing my faith. I wonder where all the love and good in the universe goes.
A death is difficult not only for the deceased, but for all people who loved them with all their souls.
I keep trying to grab myself and meditate, going after all the practices, but can only do it for a short time. This forum has helped me a lot, but I've developed a fear of never creating or seeing, from my own perspective, what is being talked about here on a daily basis. Strangely, I've become extremely paranoid and have many thoughts that plague me that I can't control. I also know that it's my own fault. I've smoked green and taken psychedelic substances and really harmed myself a lot. In the hope that I would get better, I ended up only harming myself. I stopped using it altogether a few months ago, at the moment I smoke a lot of tobacco. In addition, I will soon lose my job and gave notice to my apartment because I was afraid that I would no longer be able to pay for it. Somehow everything gets out of hand and I don't really have my life under control anymore. Somehow my sense of time has also changed. I feel old at the age of 19, and the last 2 years seem like 10 years. And no matter how much I prayed, nothing changed. I realize how unfree I am because I am completely dependent on my life circumstances. I really don't want to cry here, this is still a philosophy forum, but I think it's good to formulate something that's on my mind with a heavy heart.
Thank you for your understanding.

Hello Güney,
I'm glad you wrote this post, I'm sure this act is helping you! It was a good idea, although you might be unsure about that now. For my part, I would like to take some time to reflect on what you have written, but I wanted to let you know that you are listened to. You can be sure about that.

Thank you for your kind words Federica